I should be sponsored by Trojan
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm always down for nudity.
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