the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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