my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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