Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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