Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Are my feet made of real feet?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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