If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just googled if crying burns calories
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
