I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
