So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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