You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
