As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
