Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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