he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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