I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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