You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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