2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
