Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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