dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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