my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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