I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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