Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
