he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
