I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
