No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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