I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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