I wanna bring you to show and tell
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
