Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
