I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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