My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
