waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
