I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
