I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
