she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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