u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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