The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
