I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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