u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
