i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
