I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
