My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
