I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
