Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
