i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Blow job season was short but glorious.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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