Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
