Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
