dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
