Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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