I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
