ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
