remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
