Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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