i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
