Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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