3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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