so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
