I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
